My first pet ever

Xa Lach the first few days. He also didn't like eating spinach.

 I have never had a pet for my own before. I wanted a cat, but that is not allowed in our building. So I thought, I would have a cat and a dog later, as pets. Xa Lach accidentally becomes my first pet ever. I didn't think about having a pet, but the situation was hard to choose otherwise. When the worm suddenly appeared again that day, I thought about bringing him to a place where he can continue with his life. But I didn't know where he could live. I also thought he would die if I put him into the trash bin. So I decided to adopt him as a pet. He became my first pet, a worm. I called him Xa Lach. Xa Lach is a Vietnamese name for lettuce, his favorite food, and probably he was also from one of the lettuce leaves that I bought earlier that day. I put Xa Lach into a small box with a lettuce leaf and some water around the leaf so that the ants can't hurt him. I think ants also like biting Xa Lach because I discovered some ants crawling around him one afternoon. Because Xa Lach likes eating lettuce so I saved some lettuce leaves for him that day and put them into my fridge. 

A few days later, when Xa Lach almost eat all the lettuce in his box, I gave him a new one and discovered that the lettuce leaves were not fresh anymore. I thought, tomorrow morning I would go to the supermarket and bought new lettuces for him. But that morning, after the yoga class, I went home and forgot his food. When I was home, I saw he was eating almost all of the old lettuce and was also trying to eat the stem. I felt poor for Xa Lach. So I went out again to a small local market nearby and got him big lettuce. This time, I gave him a big and young leave. For the rest, I put the whole lettuce into the fridge so that it can be fresh for a longer time. Xa Lach was very happy, I think. He started leaving the old stemmy leave and biting the new leave. After a while, he was moving around and eating a big part of the leave. I was very happy. I imagined the day he transformed to become a butterfly. That made me feel very happy.

However, the next day, when I woke up, I discovered Xa Lach was laying in the water in the box. I was shocked and took out all the water immediately. I thought he was not careful so he drown himself in the water. I took the leave, put it in between his legs and I saw he clung to the leave. I was not sure if he was dead or still alive. I put him on top of the leave, feeling very sad. I left him there to see what is going on and start working. A few hours later, I came to the box and see he was crawling around again. I was so happy. I decided to take off all the water and put the whole box into a big basket with water around the box. This way he wouldn't drown accidentally and the ants also couldn't hurt him. Later, I put some more water into the box to keep the lettuce fresh, thinking Xa Lach wouldn't be drowned with this little water.

I wondered what was the cycle of a lettuce worm and what would he need at this stage of his life. I thought I might find something on the internet. But this morning, when I woke up, I saw Xa Lach was drowning again. Like the last time, I put out all the water quickly and place him near the leave, then I went to another class. When I was back, he was still at the same place, not moving at al. This time he might die. I feel very sad again. I look for information on the internet on the life cycle of a lettuce worm but I can't find much. I think he is probably dead this time. I still keep him there with a faint hope that Xa Lach would be alive again. 

I just visit him and he moves a bit. He is still alive! But he is not eating anything. He looks very sad. It seems that he wanted to drown himself in the water the last twice. I don't know why would he wanted to do that. Maybe he needs some water. Or maybe feels bored living in the box. I wish I could know what he wanted. I give him a very new and very young lettuce leave. But I don't think he would be eating it soon. I think he needs something else while I am unable to know what he needs. It is not easy taking care of a pet, especially a worm. Xa Lach, get well soon!

The forgottens

 I woke up this morning, feeling very tired. I felt sad last night after a conversation. I somehow have realized that we haven't understood each other enough. That makes me sad. After the conversation, i continued to listen to a story from Thich Nhat Hanh, a monk that i have been mentally connecting with his thoughts about life for several years. The story is "Old path white clouds". I have this idea in my mind for about a year to visit the Monk when he was in Tu Hieu buddhist cultural center to ask him about my sister. I wanted to understand why she has been ill and why her life goes this way. But i probably will never have a chance to meet him. The Monk has passed away on the 22 Jan this year. 

I felt asleep while listening to the beautiful voice reading the story and woke up in the morning, uncertain about last night and what to do next, for the day, but maybe also for the near future. This stage, i feel it is like a quiet time in my life, as i am at a cross-road, or at a point where different currents at a river or ocean meet each other and the currents mix with each other there, making the water stops flowing. That feeling is also very similar to when i was in a flight and the flight starts surfing the wind. It is not really no weight, but the weight is balanced by another force, so my mind is released for a moment, and i feel uncertain about which way is the next direction of the flow.

I want to continue with the story while still in bed. While listening to the story, i felt something is crawling on my arm, and i feel itchy. I look, and i panic. A worm! I have no idea where it comes from and how come it could go to my bedroom. I calm down, stand up, and go out to the balcony to release the worm to a plant. But suddenly he bites me. I am panic again and i blow strongly to my arm. The worm falls into the floor next to the door and i hear a strong sound. I feel poor for the worm and i feel guilty. I hurt it. I think if i calm down a bit more, i wouldn't blow the worm and wouldn't hurt. I try to find him but strangely i can't see him anymore. He disappears.

Feeling hungry, i go to the kitchen and prepare some food for breakfast. I cut an avocado, put into a bow, and bring to my bedroom to continue to listen to the story again. I suddenly see the worm. The avocado is bitter so i want to cook a corn. But i also want to bring the worm to the balcony. I think, the worm is so small and it can't go far anyway, let's get the corn and find something to bring the worm outside. The corn still has the fresh silk leave around. I think the worm might like it. Going to back to the bedroom with the corn leave, i don't see the worm there anymore. I look around, under the chair, and under the mattress, but i couldn't find it. It is gone, again. I feel regret. I should have taken the worm out when i saw it. I think about some old stuffs that wanted to use or to clean or to put in the right places, but i never done that because i always have more important things to do and i thought i would do that at night. But i never remember. I think about the old friends, other people that i haven't been in touch for a long time. I thought i would respond to their messages at night when i normally have more free time, but in those nights i always engaged in some other things that more urgent, more important, or more interesting. Time passes! So quickly! When i suddenly realize that i have forgotten the stuffs, the friends, the people, it has already been weeks, months, or even years...

Like the little worm, i thought it won't go far from where it was in my bedroom, and i took my time to cut the corn, to cook it, and to think about life in the kitchen; I also thought the stuffs will still be there as before, and the friends, the people will still be there for me as before. But i haven't realized that time is fast, and when i am back, dust already covers my stuffs, and covers my friendships and other social relations. I thought, things have changed. They are not there for me anymore, they have forgotten me. But maybe it is not like that. They have been the forgotten in my mind for a long time that i haven't been aware of. They are the forgottens!

My yoga journey

 It has been about three years since I had first experienced yoga. During that three years, there have been various emotions and events that happened. I got some ups, some downs, I got hurt, I got pain, I got to bloom, I got peace, and I also got some enlightenment. 

Many things have been changed since the moment the journey started. But the most important change to me is that I am self-aware about my own breathing and integrate my breath with my body's movements. I am more conscious about my existence in this world.

Hello

 This is my first time writing on my own blog. I have been thinking about this for a long time, creating this blog for a few weeks, and now, first words!

I love writing and reading since I was a child. I also love sharing what I know with other people. I hope after this first step, this blog will be a place for me to express my thoughts, and to go back to when I feel lost. Hopeful!